how to make a lotion vest - for complete dumbasses.

They say necessity is the mother of invention. Well, I submit to you that severe dumb-assery (another new word!) and pain are the red headed step-children of invention. Even so, step-children - especially the red headed variety - are sometimes prone to strokes of genius.

Here it is:

When you are:
a) a complete and total dumb-ass (as I am one)
and
b) you get yourself utterly lobsterized (see previous post)
and
c) you can't raise your arms to reach the burn on your back because of the burn on your shoulders
and
d) the mere thought of someone rubbing lotion - no matter how gently and lightly - on your burn makes you want to cry,

well, then you figure out how to make...

a lotion vest.

It's very simple, really, and disposable: The sun burn alleviating lotion of your choice slathered on a double layer of paper towel multiplied by however many you need. For me it was one for my back and one for each shoulder which made it look like a weird white papery vest, hence: lotion vest.

I'm a dumb-ass. But I did finally get some relief.