my life as a story line

This one's kind of long. But it's really good. Take a minute and read a good story. :)

I love my apartment. When I moved in, the first thing I fell in love with was the charm, the character of the place. It's the building with the most character on the street. It's right across from a little park. It is big and airy and light. It's old too, which means it has creaks and clanks and squeaks and weirdness but it is delightful. And it is very me.

The week I moved in I met many of my neighbors. They were all exceptionally friendly. When I introduced myself they all had exactly the same response: "Oh! How convenient! The former tenant was also named Katy." (Although according to the mail I still get for her, she spells her name the more traditional way: Katie.) And then they would (and still often do) tell me about "the other Katie" and how she did this or that and how they miss her and how they're so glad I live here now because I'm also a Katy. I've always figured I owed "the other Katie" some kind of thanks because she was clearly well liked by everyone and that made my transition pretty easy, almost as if the name alone made me acceptable.

One of the many things I like about my apartment is the neighborhood. It is lovely. One of the best places is my neighborhood restaurant/bar. I go there fairly regularly, mostly when I get home late from traveling and I don't feel like cooking. On occasion I've run into a few of my neighbors there and I have become a regular there, welcomed like an old friend by the owner and the staff. It's nice.

Tonight was one of those nights. I decided to go to Mezze for a glass of wine and dinner after a long day at work. I walked in and to my dismay seating at the bar was completely full. But then the owner - who was sitting at the bar deep in conversation with one of the patrons - saw me and he got up and said, "Katy! Perfect timing. I was keeping your seat warm for you. Have a seat!" And with a hug and a "happy holidays, dear" he got up and left me his seat. Ahhh... this is why I love this place.

As I took my seat at the end of the bar next to a young woman about my age with short hair about like mine, just a bit lighter and redder, she said, "I like your earrings. But then I'm also partial to your hair cut." We both laughed and fell into easy conversation. First about the convenience of short hair and constant thoughts of wanting to (but never being able to - or not ever really wanting to) grow it out.

Then we started talking about the fact that she has decided she's going to quit her job. I told her I just did that! I told her how liberating and, at the same time, terrifying it is. That moved us quickly into discussing our respective industries. She has a job offer at the very company with which my union has the partnership I've been working on: Kaiser. So that led to a long conversation about healthcare and politics, etc. She gave me some great leads for my job search since she knows the non-profit healthcare industry and public health world in the Bay Area.

The evening progressed and the conversation was delightful and interesting. We were finding that we have so many things in common. Then, just as I realized that we had never actually introduced each other, she was saying something about the fact that she used to live just down the block. I asked her where she lived. "Oh, just down the street, right across from the park." "Really? I live down the street right across from the park."

She looked at me with a weird smile and said, "what number?"

"3549"

And then in unison "Apartment 3!"

Oh WOW!!! She's THE OTHER KATIE!!! She immediately said, "OH MY GOD! You're The Other Katy!" She's still friends with the other tenants in the building and they have been telling her about me for the last 15 months just like they've been telling me about her. So we exchanged information and gossip and I got the skinny on all the history and background on everybody in the building (all 6 of them!) and I found out that there is storage in the basement so I don't have to keep my bike in the living room anymore (she did the same thing for years until she found out about the storage).

Ok. Now for the list of craziness: not only do we have the same name, we have the same short hair style, we both wear glasses, we both work in jobs we're quitting, we both work with the healthcare industry (and the same company - potentially), we lived in the same apartment (!) and frequent the same neighborhood restaurant/bar. We also both have degrees in music and are (were?) singers. And we're both mezzos.

Mezzos meeting at Mezze.

She used to practice in the apartment. The neighbors made dirty martinis and sat in the back parking area and listened while she sang.

Really?

So Katie and I decided we probably should be friends. We exchanged information and will have a drink before our respective New Year's Eve plans tomorrow evening. We're meeting at Mezze.

The other Katie. Finally we meet. And we're like slightly different versions of the same person. I didn't think this type of thing happened in real life but apparently I live in some kind of storyline, maybe a book or a movie? It's kind of fun!

the oddity of hair

Why are we so attached to our hair? Most people I know (the ones who still have hair anyway) are extremely particular about their hair and how it looks and how it is cut. I am no exception.

I realized recently - again - that my hair is an important extension of my personality. I haven't really felt like myself lately, not as confident, not as bold, not as "together" and it has made it difficult to be on the job hunt. It's really hard to tell people how fantastic you are when you aren't convinced of that fact yourself. I have spent a little bit of time over the last week or so thinking about this and wondering what it is that I am missing right now.

And then it hit me. As I have been feeling just a little off, not fully myself, lacking confidence, etc. I have also been complaining about my hair. I decided a few weeks ago that I might try to let it grow out again. I do this every couple of years and it never really goes very well ... I'm not sure why I keep trying.

Anyway, I got a trim but told the lady I was thinking about letting it grow so keep the length and just clean it up. Wrong. Very wrong. When my hair gets a little longer, it becomes more calm, more plain, easier to hide behind because it starts to cover my face. The simple truth is that I am not plain, I often appear to be calm but I'm not really calm. And I don't like to hide, I like to put myself out there, head high, eyes unobstructed. That's where my confidence comes from.

On one of my many misguided attempts to let my hair grow someone sadly said to me, "awww, no more hair with character." Hair with character. I like that.

So, this morning I got my hair cut. I told the lady that I need to be me again. Plain, calm hair is not me. I also told her that I would like to keep some length (i.e. longer than buzz-cut short hair because a little bit of hair on my head is necessary so my head doesn't look like a tiny little dot on top of my admittedly voluminous body).

Her definition of "some length" and mine are different.

Good thing hair grows - when you have it that is.

I will have hair with character when it grows a bit. So, in about 2 or 3 weeks. Until then, I just have very very little hair. No hiding now!

Luther!!!

I finally met the biggest cuddle bear in the world!

I.

Love.

Him.

plans change!!!

The plan was to spend the holiday weekend at home. Probably alone and looking for a job. Everybody keeps telling me that's no way to spend christmas.

I just checked to see if I could find a flight somewhere using my reward travel for this weekend. The only thing available was the shortest direct flight I would consider taking this weekend: Denver.

So, plans change. I'll be spending the weekend with D&E!!! AND I finally get to meet Luther! :)

VERY happy.

starting over... again

Once again it is time for me to start over. I have decided to start a blog at the same time as I am going through major changes in my life. I have, of course, gone through big changes before and I have made tough decisions that have affected me and my life in big ways. It always feels really terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. This time is really no different. However, the general purpose of this blog is not only to process a big change but to have a place to put down those random thoughts and weird observations, the everyday gripes and whines, the fun facts and new learnings that we all have. I just don't generally have a place to put them so here it is! A blog! I feel like I am entering whatever century blogs were invented in. :)

So, starting over. This time it's mostly on my terms; the timing of it anyway. I decided a few weeks ago, over Thanksgiving, that it was time for me to make a change in my life. Not just any change, a big one. I spent several days sitting on my dear friends' (Sarah and Eric <3) couch, walking their sweet dog (Griffey) and thinking. I knew I wasn't happy in my work and wanted to figure out if it was something that was fixable. So I asked myself a few pretty simple questions:

1. What am I unhappy about at work?
2. What would it take to change that?
3. Are those changes possible in my current situation in the real world?

The last of those questions was the most difficult one to answer because a "no" meant that I either had to shut up about it and put up with it or get out.

The answer to question 3 was indeed a pretty resounding "no".

And so I decided to leave. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't just quit and walk away. I'm too old and have way too many bills for that (I will revisit this sentiment in a couple of months). What I did do was have an honest conversation with my boss. I told him that I had made the decision to leave and I told him why. I also made concrete and productive suggestions on a realistic transition period and proposed a plan to get there.

So, here I am, looking at a couple of months of continued employment and then I'm on my own. Here's hoping I find what I'm looking for out there!

Just so I'm clear: I am fully aware of the economic situation we as a country find ourselves in. I am fully aware of the double-digit unemployment rate. I am fully aware that I don't "fit into any box" thanks to my patchwork-quilt-like resume (although very impressive I'm told - by the same people who scratch their heads and say "I'm just not sure which box to put you in" to which I reply, "I've never been one for boxes").

Anyway, my point is that I am aware that I chose a pretty crappy time to want to find a way out of unhappiness but I did it. And I am reminded almost daily that I made the right choice. So here goes!! It's going to be a fun ride.

I hope.