I have some things to say.

You know those buzzfeed articles people post on facebook? You know what I'm talking about: the ones where you read the title that you (judgmentally) think, "Right, no way they get this right. I bet this this is super inaccurate". And then you read it just to prove yourself right and get proved wrong instead? Well, I recently read one of those like that.

Kind of.

I read it and I actually thought the author made some good points and I agreed with most of what she said but there are certain areas I disagreed with. The topic combined with the accuracy/inaccuracy of it made me think about it for a while after I finished reading it so here I am blogging about the damn thing.

First, here's a link to the article so you know what I'm talking about. It's ok, I'll wait. Come back though! I have things to say!!

The title of the article is "17 Statements That Mean Something Completely Different To Plus-Size Women"

There are a lot of things I like about what Sheridan Watson, who is a buzzfeed staff writer, says. First, I appreciate that she identifies herself as a "fiercely curvy gal" and I also appreciate that she says she doesn't speak for all plus-size women. I'd like to make those same identifications/disclaimers here too.

Now, in case you didn't click on that link to read the full list of 17 statements, basically, she lists things people say to overweight women and then translates it to what we actually hear.

Right off the bat though, I take issue with the first one:

What you say: “Wow, you’re soooo confident with your body.”
What we hear: “Wow, it’s amazing how you choose to live life somewhat happily even though you’re fat.”

I am confident in and with my body and I hear this statement fairly regularly in some form or another. I do not, however, typically hear that particular translation and here's why:

I believe that a lot of women who say this to me genuinely wish they were as comfortable and confident with their bodies as I am. The truth is that most women, sadly, are not confident with their bodies regardless of size or shape. I'm not going to step onto this particular soap box for very long but I do think it is extremely unfortunate that we, as girls, as women, are not empowered by society, by the media, and by the various other forces putting pressure on us, to be comfortable with ourselves (and mind you, this goes for men too). I don't know what made me be comfortable and confident. I do know that I am not the norm in this and it saddens me when I meet girls and women of every possible shape and size who are not comfortable in and with their bodies and therefore are not confident with their bodies. So, when someone says this to me, I mostly feel sad. Not for me but for them.

The next statement I want to call out is:

What you say: “I didn’t know you work out so much.”
What we hear: “How can you work out often and not be thin?”

This one I agree with. I had a conversation recently with my hair stylist, whom I ADORE! He is tall and skinny and looks like the perfect picture of health. When I told him I had recently run a half marathon he was excited for me and super supportive but then he said, "you know, I would probably die if I tried to run even a couple of blocks! Most people tell me I look so good and "oooh, I wish I was thin like you" but it's not all it's cracked up to be." He has struggled his entire life to put and keep weight on. He LOOKS healthy but he knows he isn't. He also isn't all that active. The reality is that I am probably a lot healthier than he is, I'm certainly a LOT more active than he is but if you put us side-by-side and asked 100 people which one of us is healthy and/or active, 99 of them would choose him. I take pride in the fact that I live a pretty active life. I enjoy it. I don't love working out but I do walk a lot, I play tennis, I trained for and ran a half marathon very recently (although I don't love running!), I hike, I swim, I even went roller skating not too long ago. In other words, I'm a pretty healthy & active lady. It's time to shift our perspective: just because someone doesn't fit your ideal of a "healthy, active" person, doesn't mean they can't kick your ass in any given activity. Watch yourself!

This next one is one of my biggest pet peeves and gets me going like not much else.

What you say: “Are you just lazy?”
What we hear: “Fat = Doing nothing but eating all day. This is an equation I’ve known for years yet your body is giving me a different result.”

I don't often encounter this actual question or statement but I do often encounter this bias. It's what I call fat bias. There are a lot of people in the world - some of them pretty close to home actually - that believe that all fat people are lazy. And dumb. And probably dirty too.

You know what? I am lazy! I don't like taking out the trash and would rather sit and read a good book than take that smelly trash bag outside. I am a master procrastinator on certain things. I will sometimes try to carry as many grocery bags as I possibly can so I don't have to make a million trips to the car after a major grocery run.

None of the lazy moments have anything to do with my weight. In fact, mostly I'm just being efficient - especially with the groceries! I also work really hard. I run two businesses, I have friends and social engagements, and see above for how active I am. I bet that a lot of people who think I'm lazy just because I'm overweight would struggle keeping up with me in my daily life so, F*#! off! You have absolutely NO idea what you're talking about and this bias, just like most every bias, is uninformed and inaccurate and it's time for you to get rid of it and move on. Meet me at the tennis court or go on a hike with me or, heck, train for another damn half marathon with me (even though I said I'd never do another one!) but don't you dare make assumptions about my productivity and activity just because I don't look like your ideal of a "normal" productive member of society. Asshole.

Whew! I told you that one got me hot!

OK, next, we have another one I disagree with:

What you say: “Ugh, I feel sooooo fat today.”
What we hear: “I’m feeling self-conscious about myself and choosing to discuss this with my friend who is at least eight sizes larger than me without thinking about how it’ll make her feel.”

You know what? Sometimes we feel fat. It doesn't matter your size. It doesn't matter that you're not actually fat. Sometimes we all just feel that way. Even I, and I am actually fat, have days where I feel bloated and gross and - yup - fat. Most days I feel great and comfortable and confident (see above) but every once in a while...

I absolutely do not hear this translation when someone says "I feel fat today" to me. I don't feel like this statement is about me at all. It's about the person who is saying it to me and, given what our society says about "fat", I take it as an honor for that person to feel comfortable enough with me to tell me they aren't feeling their societally-sanctioned-best that day. I'm sorry you don't feel great. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Now, if this is a frequent, attention-seeking, drama-creating statement by a person who is motivated by that sort of thing, well, then maybe you should stop spending time with that person.

And finally, another one I agree with but one that I believe deserves some additional time:

What you say: “I just want you to be happy.”
What we hear: “Because there’s no way anyone would be happy at your size, right?”

You know what? Thank you for wanting me to be happy. But screw you for thinking that weight, body shape or size, or anything else you project on another person is what that person truly cares about or will actually make or break someone's happiness. What this statement makes me think is that the person making it is actually pretty unhappy themselves. If you know me at all, you know that I am a happy person and I'm actually pretty darn happy with my body (again - see above) so go away.

Besides, why do you think that if a person doesn't fit your ideal of a "normal" body, that person is unhappy? And, by the way, what makes you think my weight, size, or shape is something that has any bearing on my happiness anyway? What about my life, my friends, my family, my job, my activities, my hopes, my dreams? Also, why do you think that my body is something that dictates everything else in my life? I promise you it doesn't. I'm good. I don't need you to worry about me. I've got my shit handled. As much as anyone else does, anyway. And probably more than you do.

The bottom line in all of this is, don't judge a book by its cover. Don't assume I am a certain way, I'll try not to assume things about you.

Now I'm going to go sit on my couch, be lazy, and relax before I get up early tomorrow morning for a round of tennis.

Sunday Dinner!

Some years ago when I first moved to California, I was telling a dear friend about how much I loved Sunday dinners during the decade I lived in Ohio and so we decided to institute the tradition here in California. That was six years ago and, while most of the people who were a part of it then have either moved away or moved on, I decided a little over a year ago to start the tradition again. Since then, there have been only a handful of Sundays without Sunday dinner at my place.

I love Sunday dinners. I love bringing together the people I care about. I love cooking for them. I love sitting around a big table with good food, good friends, good wine, great conversation, and lots of laughter.

However, every week I struggle with what to make. I try to stay away from frequent repeats of menus and I always have a hard time thinking of what I've already made, etc. So, I decided to start keeping track. I may do a weekly blog post with a recipe, I may not. I may take pictures of the food, I may not. Either way, here's what we had for dinner last night (with links to the recipes): Chicken Stroganoff and a chopped kale salad.

Oh, and all of the recipes are typically for about 6 servings. I tend to double or triple the recipes depending on how many people I expect to show up. Plus, who doesn't love leftovers?

Happy eating!

Chicken Stroganoff

Chicken Stroganoff:
- This is loosely based on a recipe from Real Simple.

Ingredients (for about 6 servings):

olive oil
1 onion, sliced into thin rings
2 red bell peppers, seeded and thinly sliced
10-ish oz (about 20 medium) mushrooms of your choosing, thinly sliced
salt & pepper
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2-inch strips
1 cup dry white wine
1 cup of chicken broth
2 - 3 tablespoons of barbecue sauce
1 - 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 - 3 tablespoons of Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon (or 1 tablespoon if you like it spicy) of hot sauce
1/2 yogurt

Directions:

1. Heat about 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook the onions until soft. Make sure to stir frequently.

2. Add the bell peppers and mushrooms. Season with some salt and pepper, and cook until the mushrooms give up their liquid.

3. Strain the vegetables into a bowl (you'll want that liquid for later)

4. In the same pan, heat more olive oil, season the chicken with a little salt and pepper and cook in batches until it's golden brown. Then add the chicken to the veggies in your colander.

5. Pour wine, broth, and vegetable liquid into the pan and bring to a boil. Scrape up any brown bits and let the sauce cook for a few minutes.

6. Combine barbecue sauce, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, and hot sauce in a small mixing bowl. Whisk until combined. Then whisk the mixture into the sauce and boil until the liquid has reduced by half. It should start to thicken a bit.

7. Reduce heat and whisk in the yogurt. Don't let the sauce boil again. Add the veggies and chicken back into the sauce and let it simmer until heated through.

I serve this over buttered egg noodles. It's also really good over toast.

Chopped Kale Salad with Edamame and Avocado

Chopped Kale Salad with Edamame and Avocado:
- this is based on a recipe I found in the Oakland Tribune from Spring of 2014.

Ingredients for salad:

1 bunch of kale
fine-grain sea salt
1 cup chopped up snow peas
1 small red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 cup of edamame
1 avocado, cut into small chunks
1 large shallot, finely sliced
a bunch of cilantro, chopped
a bunch of basil, chopped

Ingredients for dressing:

1/4 cup of olive oil
2 tablespoons of rice vinegar
1 tablespoon finely grated ginger
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 teaspoons lime juice
3 garlic cloves, pressed or minced

Directions:

1. Tear kale leaves into chunks and discard the tough ribs.
2. Put kale leaves into a big salad bowl, sprinkle sea salt on it and massage the kale by scrunching it with your hands until the leaves get darker green and fragrant.
3. Add the rest of the ingredients to the kale.
4. Whisk together the ingredients for the dressing and toss with the salad.